For the crossings
life asks
us to make
Bespoke, co-created rite
of passage ceremonies
for women
“Ruth holds and creates such beautiful, caring, healing spaces for women to be in circle, ceremony and drum. I always feel soothed and energised by the magical sessions that she holds, with such deep integrity and presence.”
- Alexandra Wilkinson
There are moments that deserve to be marked
A diagnosis.
A recovery.
The last of the bleeding.
A leaving, a loss, a becoming.
Something ends, something begins, and you are not quite who you were.
Once, these moments were held.
The village gathered. There was fire, and drumming, and people who stayed to witness you cross.
Now we are mostly left to cross alone, in waiting rooms and on the school run, unmarked and unseen. The body knows a threshold has been passed but it hasn’t been witnessed.
What a threshold ceremony is
A way of marking the crossing properly, with your own people around you.
We create it together, you and I, and I can weave it with whatever it needs, ranging from circle work, collective drumming, drum journeying, guided meditation, sound, ritual and ceremony.
It is rooted in Celtic folklore that is of these islands of Britain and Ireland rather than borrowed from elsewhere.
It is one of the oldest thing there is: being seen by your people as you step from one life into the next.
The crossings
we can mark
Almost any. Some that women come to me for:
A diagnosis, the start of treatment, or the end of it
Living with, or moving through, chronic illness or pain
A terminal diagnosis, and the wish to be celebrated by your people while you are here to feel it
Perimenopause and menopause, entering and emerging, as the masks fall, the parts that kept you safe are thanked, and the woman beneath them is met
The end or beginning of a relationship, or a marriage
Becoming a mother, or the nest emptying
A bereavement, or a grief that has gone unmarked
Leaving a home, a place, a way of life
Any threshold your body knows it has crossed, even when no one else has named it
The drum ceremony was natural, enchanting & magical. We made magical memories that will last forever in our hearts. Thank you Ruth for bringing community, music, laughter & togetherness to lots of women.
- Harpreet Kaur
An online women's circle, opening later this year
Live circles every month, drum journeys, ceremony and ritual through the Celtic year, and women alongside you the whole way.
Wherever you are in the world.
Why being witnessed matters
We were never meant to cross alone
In every old culture the threshold was held by the community.
You were parted from the old, carried through the in-between, and then welcomed back, changed, by people who had watched it happen.
The witnessing was the thing that made the change real.
A passage no one sees stays somehow unfinished in the body.
This is what a threshold ceremony gives back to you.
Not advice, not fixing.
Your people, gathered, staying, witnessing you become who you now are.
How we build it, together
I'm Ruth, and I have spent years holding women in circle.
I came to this work through my own crossing, when chronic pain reshaped my life and the drum was the thing that carried me.
So I hold these days knowing from the inside what it is to stand at a threshold and to be witnessed.
It begins with the two of us talking. You tell me the threshold you are approaching or have already crossed, and who your people are.
From there we shape the ceremony together, so it is yours. If you want to know more about me and how I work, it is all here.
On the day we make the space our own
We build an altar at the heart of the circle, with things that hold meaning for your crossing, a photograph, a stone, something from the life you are leaving or the one you are grieving.
We cleanse the space with smoke and sound, we settle, and the drum begins to gather everyone in.
From there it moves in three parts.
First we honour what is ending with ritual. You name it aloud, or you sit in silence and let your people witness it for you.
We might write what you are ready to lay down and give it to the fire or the water, a letting go the body can actually feel, the drum holding you the whole time.
Then we cross, and the drum carries it
Your people can take up the drums and play you across, carried by the very hands that love you, voices rising with them. Or, if you would rather receive, I facilitate a drum journey for you and your circle into the in-between. This is the heart of it, the threshold itself.
Your people might crown you with flowers or a blessing over you one by one, or sing it. There may be a candle lit from one shared flame, bread broken together, wishes written down and gathered in a jar for you to keep. And always there is seasonal herbal tea ceremony and a token to carry away, something to hold the day in your hand. You are changed, and now it is seen and known.
And then we welcome you in
“A wonderful drum ceremony hosted by Ruth.
A place to reconnect, heal, and
let all be free to express
with the aid of the drums.”
- Carolina UpexWhat your threshold ceremony might include
At its heart, is the drum. You choose between:
A drum circle, where your people take up the vegan shamanic drums I bring and play with you in Circle. Rhythm slips past the thinking mind and into the body, the nervous system drops, and the sound your Circle makes becomes the very thing that carries you. No experience needed.
A drum journey, where you and your Circle lie back and receive while I drum and play other instruments. The rhythm carries your busy mind down into a deeper, dreamlike state, the one words can't reach, where something can rise to meet you.
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An altar at the heart of the circle, foraged from the land and built from what matters to your crossing, everyone adding to it
The space opened with smoke or sound, the directions and the land called in, so this time is set apart from the everyday
Naming and witnessing what is ending, aloud or in silence, said into the open and finally seen
Toning or sounding all the crossing stirs, the grief and the fear, the anger, the relief, even joy, the body giving voice to what words cannot reach
Setting down what is no longer yours to carry
A letting go, a letter to the fire, an object to the earth, or water over the hands, the transition allows the body to feel
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Toning, chant and song, the circle's voices rising together until the sound itself becomes the thing that carries you
Free movement or dancing, shaking the old loose, for any body that wants to move
Fire scrying, gazing into candlelight until the thinking mind softens and something rises to be received
Water scrying, gazing into a still dark bowl, the water a mirror for what is ready to surface
Celtic folklore and goddess archetypes woven through, a story or a goddess to walk beside your crossing, so you do not cross as only yourself, and the whole shaped to the season if you wish
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Blessings spoken, sung, drummed naming you into who you are becoming
A candle lit for you from one shared flame
Flowers, a shawl, an anointing, a crowning, marking you as the one who has crossed
A seed or a tree planted for what is beginning
A tea ceremony with the whole circle raising a cup, the return to the everyday made sweet
A token or a symbol of the day to carry away
Where, and with whom
Your ceremony can take place in your home, a hall, or out in the woodland, wherever your people can sit in a circle.
After the crossing
It can be a few of your closest, or a wider gathering. We shape the size and the setting to the crossing, and to you.
A day like this can open you, and what rises does not always land in the moment. So we stay in touch afterwards.
There is a check-in in the days that follow, a place to bring whatever the ceremony stirred, and time to find your feet in the life on the other side. You are not left to integrate it alone.
How much does it cost?
Every ceremony is bespoke, and begins from £495.
That holds our planning conversation, the designing of your ceremony, the rounds of shaping it together, all the materials, and the drums I bring.
It holds the ceremony, and a check-in with you in the days afterwards.
The space is yours to choose, your home, a hall, or somewhere out in nature, and the venue is arranged by you.
Larger gatherings and travel beyond 10 miles of Bristol are shaped into your quote.
If there is a crossing ahead.
Or one behind you that was never marked.
I would love to hear about it.
Get in touch, & we can have an exploratory chat about
what your ceremony could be.
Get in Touch
Frequently Asked Questions
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Not at all. There's nothing you need to believe, and nothing you need to have done before. The women who come to me arrive from all sorts of places, some with a rich practice, some with none. What matters is that the crossing means something to you, and that you'd like it witnessed
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If something in you has shifted, that's reason enough. There's no threshold too small, and nothing to justify. Often it's the quiet crossings, the ones nobody else thought to mark, that turn out to matter most. If a part of you is wondering whether you're allowed, I'd gently say you already are.
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Yes, and yes. This is the village, and your village is whoever loves you. Men, family, friends, those who wouldn't call themselves spiritual at all, all are welcome. No one needs to believe anything or know what to do. I look after that on the day, so each person can simply be there for you, as they are.
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Most people think they can't, until they pick up a drum and find that they can. There's nothing to learn and nothing to get right. The rhythm is already in you, in your heartbeat, your breath, and it tends to find your hands faster than you'd believe. I guide it gently the whole way. Most people are surprised by how quickly they pick iy up, and by how much they don't want to stop.
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Every ceremony is bespoke and unique to you.
Far more goes into one than is ever seen on the day. Your price covers our first conversation, (45 minutes to 1 hour) and then the real work behind it: the designing of your ceremony, the sourcing, the shaping of it with you until it's truly yours. This includes listening to your feedback and iterating.
It includes all the materials and the vegan shamanic drums I bring for your circle, and it covers the ceremony itself, the setting up, the care of the space throughout, and the packing away.
Afterwards there's a check-in with you in the days that follow.
All in, a ceremony takes a minimum of two days of my time, often more depending on what's needed, alongside the years of practice that let me hold a circle safely while someone crosses.The space is yours to choose and to arrange, your home, a hall, or somewhere out in nature. Larger gatherings, and travel beyond 10 miles of Bristol, are shaped into your quote.
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You'll be held while you do. Tears are welcome here, so is whatever else comes. Nothing you feel will be too much, and you won't have to look after anyone else's comfort while you feel it. You're allowed to simply let go, and be carried.
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You won't have to find the words on your own. Once we've shaped your ceremony, I'll give you something to send them, (you can adapt) that explains the day and what it asks of them. Most people, once asked, are quietly moved to be included. Being told you'd like them to witness you is its own kind of gift.
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That's a tender and beautiful thing to want. A ceremony can be held for someone by the people around them, for a mother, a friend, someone moving through illness or nearing the end of their life. We'd shape it with care, and with them where we can, so it feels like something offered rather than arranged around them. If you're holding someone through a crossing, do get in touch, and we'll talk softly about what's possible.
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Simply, and led by me, so it never becomes a project for you. It begins with one conversation, around three quarters of an hour, where I listen, ask a few questions, and get a feel for your crossing and your people. From there I design the ceremony and bring it to you, and together we make any small adjustments so it feels truly yours. Usually a tweak or two is all it needs, and then it's settled. You don't arrive with ideas and you're not left endlessly deciding. I carry the design. You carry only what you want to.
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If you would love this but the cost feels beyond you, please don't let that stop you reaching out. There are ways we can make it work. Many women share the cost across the people who'll be there, and there's something fitting in that, your circle giving what they can so the day becomes a gift made together.
Another option is spreading the cost over time with a payment plan.
If you tell me where you are, we'll find a way if we can.