Heart Pain to Ego Death: Sound Therapy for Trauma Release

Last year, I dialled 999, my hand clutching my chest, convinced I was having a heart attack. The paramedics arrived, ran an ECG, and found that my heart was fine—physically, at least. The irony?

This happened just days after I had given my first public sound bath, a moment that left me feeling genuinely happy and grounded. But what I was experiencing was far more complex; it was a tangle of emotional pain, rooted in trauma that needed unravelling.

The emotional and spiritual barriers within us

In ancient Sanskrit texts, there exists the concept of "Granthi," or
knots that serve as barriers to our emotional and spiritual well-being.

These are complex tangles of energy that obstruct the free flow of our life force. I imagine them as intricate webs woven by our past experiences, fears, and traumas, each thread becoming a hindrance to our journey toward self-actualisation and inner peace.

The knots in my heart

For me, these knots in my heart space was my analytical mind taking the reins, always pushing me, criticising me, and telling me I wasn't good enough as I am. It was as if my mind was trying to control my soul's purpose, blocking me from embracing my true calling.

The ego vs authenticity

This ego-driven mindset led me down a path that society often deems successful: do well at school, go to university, build a career. But this path was suffocating me. Working as a senior manager in an office crushed my spirit; it was a place where my feminine powers had no room to breathe. Leaving that environment was one of the best decisions I ever made. It allowed me to discover my true calling as a sound therapist.

In doing so, I embarked on an ongoing journey towards ego dissolution—a transformative process that has been both terrifying and enlightening.

But let me be clear: this is not a one-time event but a lifelong journey. And it's a journey worth every step, every challenge, and every moment of introspection. The key to navigating this intricate emotional and spiritual landscape is a heightened sense of self-awareness.

It serves as my compass, consistently guiding me through the complexities of my inner world, helping me untangle the knots that have held me back, and leading me closer to my authentic self.

The paradox of happiness and childhood trauma

Why did happiness trigger this pain? It's because of this knotting of our consciousness to our physical body. For me, being my authentic self was something I learned to avoid as a child. I took on the role of parent, pleaser, solver—always trying to fix situations and help other people. In doing so, I disappeared, my true self buried under layers of responsibility and expectation. This led to physical pain when I finally let myself be happy, as if my body was reminding me of the emotional knots I had tied around my own heart.

Sound therapy: The heart bowl

When the pain struck again, I knew what to do. I reached for my Tibetan singing heart bowl and placed it directly on my chest area.

As the vibrations filled my heart space, I could feel the pain move down and out through both of my legs. Then, I shook, much like an animal does when releasing trauma. Interestingly, this happened two more times last year—always a few days after giving a sound bath and feeling present, happy, and authentically me.

The power of authenticity and agency

Recently, the pain came back just after a beautiful sound bath. The collective energy was strong, and people were having deep healing experiences. Hearing everyone share made my heart feel so warm, and I was in my happy place. 

A few hours later that evening, the pain in my chest started. I was scared and overwhelmed, especially since I have fibromyalgia and this was far worse than many of my flare-ups. But then Brillo, my co-creator, reminded me: "Your body still doesn't feel safe when you're truly you." That insight reminded me to see the pain for what it was—a manifestation of the trauma of hiding my true self. I breathed into it, told myself that I am safe now to be myself, and the pain started to dissipate.

“Your body still doesn’t feel safe when you’re truly you.”

In the past, a flare-up like this would have spiralled out of control, leading to months of extreme pain and debilitation. But understanding that this was my body in emotional pain, needing to release, changed everything. I was able to navigate the pain—feel it, ask it what it was, and then feel it release from my body. That's powerful.

A few hours after our most recent sound bath, I experienced trauma as physical pain that needed to be released

The rising awareness of body-stored trauma

More and more people are becoming aware of how trauma can be stored in the body. This awareness is leading to more of us seeking healing methods like sound therapy, which not only address the physical symptoms but also the emotional and spiritual knots that bind us. 

Our limbic brain, the emotional centre, often gets overshadowed by our neo-cortex in today's society, leading to an epidemic of trauma-fuelled diseases. But the power lies within us—to listen to our bodies, to use our imagination, to feel, and to release. 

Understanding the interplay between our neo-cortex and limbic system can be crucial in this journey. While our neo-cortex may try to rationalise our experiences, our limbic system may be signaling deep-seated emotional and survival instincts. Balancing these two can lead to a more holistic healing process.

The power of listening to your body

Untying the knots of the heart is a journey of self-discovery, of facing our fears and embracing our true selves. For decades, I was disassociated and cut off from my body. But through my sound healing  journey, I've reconnected in a powerful way. 

In some ways, the path to release is astonishingly simple, yet it requires us to unlearn what society has taught us. It's about reclaiming our innate power and wisdom, about challenging the societal norms that have limited our emotional and spiritual growth.

This unlearning is not just an act of rebellion; it's an act of self-love and empowerment. It's about living life on our own terms, and in doing so, we find that the deepest healing can often come from the simplest of acts.